


I Remember it All Too Well

by multixfanfics



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I hope you all enjoy this, IDK I suck at tagging, Kinda Sad NGL, Song: All Too Well (Taylor Swift), The BAu - Freeform, oops i should be sleeping, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28145778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multixfanfics/pseuds/multixfanfics
Summary: Emily Prentiss's and reader's relationship over the years(based off of the song All Too Well's bridge with specific lyrics included)
Relationships: Emily Prentiss/Reader, spencer reid/reader friendship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	I Remember it All Too Well

**Author's Note:**

> This was not originally going to be this sad oops  
> Also: please listen to the song All Too Well (created by God herself) you will not regret it  
> Readers pronouns are she/her  
> Very small mention of vomit  
> OMG its 2:30 AM and I spent over an hour trying to format this I'm sorry if the formatting still sucks, I'm still new at this!

_There we are again in the middle of the night, we danced around the kitchen in the refrigerator light_

____

____

__It was 2AM and she had gotten home from a case about 30 minutes earlier. You missed her so much while she was gone for those 5 tantalizing days.  
She had just come out of the shower, her hair soaking wet, and her baggy PJs displaying comfort. She opened to fridge to grab a water bottle and you hugged her from behind, holding her there for a few seconds. _ _

__You breathed in her sweet and distinctive scent. Vanilla. She always smelled like vanilla.  
  
The opening notes to “Blackbird” by The Beatles began playing. You slowly pulled out of the embrace and took her hand.  
  
Smiling, she asked you “what’s this?”  
  
“Just you and me and the glow of the city” you replied, your heart content.  
  
Slowly spinning around your small kitchen, the light radiating from the fridge and the incandescent glow of the city were the only things keeping the two of you from running in to something.  
  
Towards the end of the song you had rested your head on her chest, holding her hands tighter.  
  
“I missed you” you breathed in to her loose shirt  
  
“I missed you more” she whispered, allowing the next song to play.  
  
\-----------------  
_'Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well' _  
  
Standing at the bottom of the stairs, your anticipation overcame you.  
  
“Babeeeee, when are you going to be ready?” you called up.  
  
“Patience, my darling” her voice floated through the air, a smile evident in it  
  
You still couldn’t believe that you and Emily had taken the next step; moving in to a house together.  
  
Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t even hear your girlfriend shuffle to the top of the stairs.  
  
“So, what do you think?” she asked, a hint of shyness to her tone.  
  
You looked up, only to have the breath knocked out of you.  
  
She was standing there in the most beautiful purple and silver floor-length dress. She had the dainty silver necklace that you had gifted to her around her neck, and the diamond earrings that always made you smile on her ears.  
  
Unable to form words, you just stood there gaping.  
  
“I- I think that you need to go change” you said, finally regaining your senses.  
  
“What?” she asked, obviously disappointed and confused.  
  
“Because if you don’t, I might just ask you to marry me, and I had a whole other plan for that” you confessed.  
  
Seeing her eyes soften made your heart flutter. When she turned around to leave, you couldn’t help but smile and whisper to yourself “how did I get so damn lucky?”  
/  
\-----------------  
_'I remember it all too well' _  
\-----------------  
_'Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much' _  
  
Your first big fight. It was over the fact that she missed your birthday; for the second year in a row. Normally, birthdays were not as important to you, but it had been a rough year and she knew that you were grasping on to anything you could look forward to.  
  
You understood that she was out saving the world, but you wanted her to realize that maybe you needed saving too.  
  
You waited up all night, hoping to hear the door to your apartment open. You were so disappointed when the clock struck 5 AM the next morning, and you were to tired to sit at the table anymore. Yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to get up and go to slap in the bed that you were supposed to be sharing with Emily.  
  
She had texted you a small message earlier that morning, and told you that your gift should be there soon. You opened your door to see that she had had roses and your favorite chocolates delivered to your door around lunch time. You were so grateful for them, but the only gift you really wanted was her.  
  
She came home the next day, tired as always. She didn’t bring up your birthday. She didn’t notice the cake that you had baked sitting in the fridge. You just snapped. You were tired of her never being around. You missed the late-night conversations and the lazy mornings. You craved her touch and her smell. You felt like you weren’t one of her priorities anymore.  
  
You always tried not to put a lot on her as she had a very stressful job, but all you wanted to be was acknowledged.  
  
So, you told her how you felt. With tears in your eyes, you muttered out your final words “I wish I was important to you.”  
She yelled at you.  
  
Deep down, you knew she was just tired. You knew that she still loved you and catered to your needs, but what she didn’t say hurt the most.  
  
You never wanted to be a burden.  
  
You ended up spending that night at a friend’s house downtown.  
/  
\-----------------  
_'But maybe this thing was a masterpiece and you tore it all up' _  
  
She wasn’t honest about her past. The two of you had been engaged for almost a year, yet there were still secrets.  
  
“Who the fuck is Lauren Reynolds? I will _not _ask you again” your screams echo through the hallway.  
  
She only gave you the same stare that she had given you the first three times you had asked, just an hour earlier.  
  
You couldn’t imagine what she had been through as a child. You always sympathized with her, always understood.  
  
But this? You had no idea who Lauren Reynolds was, and why she was so important to Emily. Normally, you would just let it go, but the way that Lauren looked so much like _your _Emily made you hurt inside.  
“I need to know” you spat out.  
  
“No, you don’t. That part of my life is over now. I’m safe, and most importantly, you’re safe” was all she would give you.  
  
“BULLSHIT!’’  
  
“Y/N, you need to calm down” she coaxed.  
  
“I will _not _calm down. I am engaged to you, Emily. We are about to vow to spend the rest of our lives together, but I don’t even know your whole past!” you said, the tears beginning to flow.  
  
“I wish I could tell you, baby, I really do” she comforted.  
  
“You can, you just don’t want to. What if I told you that I didn’t want to marry you anymore, huh? What if I walked out right now, and never came back?”  
  
“You wouldn’t” she whispered, close to tears.  
  
“You took my heart. You made me yours. Yet you aren’t honest. I always sympathize with you, do my best to care for you. Yet, you can’t give me the one thing that I ask for: your honesty. I don’t know anymore Emily. I just don’t know if I can do this”.  
/  
\-----------------  
_'Running scared I was there' _  
  
When you got the phone call from Hotch, you dropped everything.  
  
Emily was in trouble and they needed your help.  
  
Scouting through the pieces of her life, the team was unable to come up with anything.  
  
Then, you remembered what she had told to you on your fist year anniversary  
  
“Garcia”, you called “can you cross-check all of this with the words ‘blackbird singing’?”  
  
“Of course, my lovely. Oh! I found one location, and it looks like its active! Sending you coordinates right now!” Garcia informed.  
  
“Where could I get one of those vest things?” you asked around.  
  
“No, Y/N you need to stay here with Garcia. We can’t risk sending somebody who isn’t trained out in to the field” Hotch commanded.  
  
You protested all you could, but just ended up in Garcia’s office eating sugar cookies and gossiping.  
  
You were enjoying your time with her until something flashed on her screen. A bomb had gone off.  
  
Before she could realize it, you were gone. You jumped into your car and drove to the coordinates you had stolen off Garcia’s computer.  
  
Finding nothing but broken building pieces, ash, and dust, you called out for Emily.  
  
After a few minutes, you found her lying in a pile of rubble, barely breathing.  
  
Pulling her out, and carrying her in your arms, you saw JJ and Spencer walking towards you through the clouds of dust.  
  
“I need a medic!” you called out frantically. “Emily, please don’t leave me. We still have to get an apartment together. We still have to adopt 17 cats and travel the world with them. Emily, please.”  
  
You found out later on that you had saved her life. If you were there even minuets later, it was likely she wouldn’t have survived.  
  
You would never forget that feeling of terror.  
/  
\-----------------  
_'I remember it all too well' _\-----------------  
  
_'Yeah, you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest.' _  
  
“Y/N. I’m so sorry” JJ’s voice floated through the screen.  
  
Emily had risked it all trying tp save a bus full of kids.  
  
All of it.  
  
She was so quick to jump in front of the bus, not realizing that she would leave you and your love forever.  
  
After her first surgery, she asked for you. You stayed the night a few times until she demanded you to go home.  
  
After her second surgery, she was too weak to talk, so you just held her hand and read her favorite poetry to her.  
  
Her third surgery wasn’t planned. Something had gone wrong in her brain. You kissed your wife’s pale head as they wheeled her in to the trauma surgeon’s office.  
  
The team told you to go home, but you would budge. Not unil Emily came out of that room.  
  
Spencer drove you back to your house and stayed the night with you a few hours later.  
  
It was 4:47 AM wen you got that call.  
  
You knew your wife was never coming home.  
/  
\-----------------  
_'I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here' _  
About two months into your relationship, Emily had come over to your apartment with bruises all over her face and cuts cascading throughout the length of her body.  
  
She wouldn’t tell you what was wrong or how she got them, just that she was fine.  
  
You would let it go. You knew that Emily had high walls and thick barriers, but you weren’t going to let her get hurt like that.  
  
Hours passed, and she still wound talk to you. So, you got out the Neosporin, some medical wrap, and a bag of frozen peas.  
  
“Look, Emily, you don’t have to tell me what happened. Please just put this over your eye and let me put something on the nastier cuts.”  
  
She reluctantly took the peas and let you bandage some of the deeper wounds on her arm.  
  
“Take off your shirt.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Take off your shirt, please. I know there are more cuts underneath of it" you explained.  
  
It was the first time you had seen her shirtless.  
  
After tenderly caring for her cuts, you put her shirt down.  
  
She gazed into your eyes and took your hand “no, leave it up” she said.  
  
Following her request, you began to take it off of her and tossed it lightly on the couch you were sitting on.  
  
“Are you okay with this?” she asked, after kissing you.  
  
“I’m more than okay with this” you replied, guiding her to your bedroom.  
  
It was your first time with her, and it was magical.  
  
Afterwards, the two of you lay in your bed, her fingers toying with you hair.  
  
“You know, you can trust me, right? You don’t have to have your walls up all the time” you whispered to her, breaking the silence.  
  
She never trusted easily, but she knew you were different.  
/  
\-----------------  
_'Cause I remember it all, all, all too well. Time wont fly as I’m paralyzed by it. Used to be my old self again but I’m still trying to find it' _  
  
The first month after her death was thought to be the hardest. You weren’t able to move. You couldn't breathe. The house felt so silent and still without her there.  
  
A week after she died, Penelope took your cat, Sergio, in. His soft meow’s only reminded you of Emily’s absence.  
  
Your wedding picture that she had framed on her nightstand was facedown. You couldn't bear to look at her smiling face on the happiest day of your lives.  
  
The funeral was even harder. You cried so much prior to the funeral, that all you did there was vomit. You could not stop. Spencer came home with you that night and cleaned your house up. You didn't realize until a few days later.  
  
You thought you were getting better. You thought the hardest was over until Christmas rolled around.  
It was her favorite holiday because she loved to dance in the snow with you.  
The year that you bought your house together, she got so many Christmas lights that your house could be seen from Mars.  
  
It was hard to see the BAU, your second family. Their faces reminded you of hers. Of all of the memories.  
  
The walls held the stories of you and Emily. All of the smiles, laughs, moans, tears, and screams.  
You never found a love as pure and gentle.  
  
You would never be the same.__________________________

**Author's Note:**

> If you cant tell, I'm in love with Emily Prentiss  
> This fic is my baby so I really hope you all enjoy this!  
> I literally have no idea how to italicize anything in here  
> Also: expect more fanfics based off Taylor Swift on the future lol


End file.
